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Funny Messages

We've got some collections of funny messages here..... And other messages including Love Messages, Good Morning Messages, Wise Words, Anniversary Messages and a host of others.....

 


Man: Officer! There’s a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don’t worry. If no one claims it
Within three days, you can keep it.

 



Son: Mom, when I was on the bus
with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.



2 men were fixing a bomb in a car.
Man 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Man 2 : Don’t worry, I have one more.


How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* 

.

.

.

.

.

. How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*


When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

 


A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom


A typical student flips a coin and think.
If Head- will go to sleep.
If Tail- will watch a move.
If Stands- will listen music.
If Stays in air- will study


Patient: Please don’t give me the injection.
I’m afraid of it’s pain.
Doctor: Don’t worry!!
I’ll inject you first that kills the pain!!!!


Professor:Chemical symbol of Barium?
Student: BA
Professor:For sodium?
Student: NA
Professor:What will we get if 1 atom of BA
& 2 atoms of NA combined?
Student: BANANA


A man sees a fat man
sitting in a train cabin.
Taunting, he asks:
Is this cabin for elephants only!
Fat man humbly replies:
No! Even monkeys like you can sit!


Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$? A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise


If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !
Pictures


Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.


When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."


The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die


Home: A place where you can scratch where it itches.
Doctor: A person who cures the ills by pills, and kills by his bills.
Love: Loss Of Valuable Energy
Wife: Worries Invited For Ever


He+She= Love.
He+She+Love=Marriage.
He+She+Love+Marriage=Child.
He+She+Love+Marriage+Child=Family.
He+She+Love+Marriage+Child+ Family=Problem.
So my dear friend
Be careful.


WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY! 
Our Phones ~ Wireless!
Cooking ~ Fireless!
Cars ~ Keyless!
Food ~ Fatless!
Dress ~ Sleeveless!
Youth ~ Jobless!
Leaders ~ Shameless!
Relationships ~ Meaningless!
Attitude ~ Careless!
Wives ~ Fearless!
Feelings ~ Heartless!
Education ~ Valueless!
Children ~ Mannerless!
Everything is becoming LESS But still,
Our Hopes are ~ Endless.


One American in Rome, Drinking beer at street cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him.
American: "Hello, do you understand English?"
Girl: "only little."
American: "How much?"
Girl: "Fifty dollars".


The most important
thing a Father can do
for his Children is to
love their Mother.


Love Is Like A
Game Of Chess:
One Wrong Move
&
You're Married...!!


Boy: How many Apples can you eat in empty stomach?
Girl: I can eat 6 Apples.
Boy: You can eat only 1 apple in empty stomach bcoz when you eat the 2nd Apple that's not in empty stomach..
Girl: WOW Super joke I'll tell my friends.
Girl to Other Girl: How many Apples can you eat in an empty stomach?
Other Girl: I can eat 10.
Girl: O Shit, if you said 6, I can tell you super joke!